


Calling Me A Sinner

by sunrayhoseok (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi has some shitty morals, He suppose to, I wrote this in ten minutes in a Kpop induced angry angst moment, Im so sorry Akaashi I keep HURTING YOU, M/M, POV First Person, Unrequited Love, You feel me?, but like, hoseok - Freeform, i got the idea from bts, i started listening to bts nice, my bias is jhope, selfish love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 11:30:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11230038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sunrayhoseok
Summary: My heart weighs down like a rock.Like a pound of lead, pulling me down, dragging me under.





	Calling Me A Sinner

My heart weighs down like a rock. 

Like a pound of lead, pulling me down, dragging me under.

A hand pressed to my mouth, holding in my sob, swallowing my cries.

Bokuto-san presses his face against my side, tears wetting my shirt, a lump growing in my throat.

I have to wonder if he sees, if he understands my tears aren't for him, but they are about him; while he shatters over someone else, over Kuroo-san. 

I'm breaking into pieces from the knowledge of how it feels to be held by him. 

And he cries. Bokuto-san goes through each stage, tears, anger, hopelessness. I was ready to be there, to be the shoulder to cry on every time, every heart shattering painful moment.

But Kuroo-san returned his feelings, he kisses Bokuto-san softly and laughs and kisses him and kisses him and kisses him...

I listen. I listen to the way Kuroo-san held Bokuto-san's hand, the way Kuroo-san presses his face into the crook on Bokuto-san's neck when they sleep tangled together, how Kuroo-san always nips a little at Bokuto-san's lips when they kiss, I always listen.

And I wait. I wait for Kuroo-san to forget, I wait for him to break Bokuto-san's heart, to rip it into pieces and I wait to be the one that fixes him.

I'm selfish. I'm a selfish, selfish boy. I deserve nothing but the heartache I feel, the tears, the pain, the sleepless nights. I deserve this.

I wait, I linger nearby, I watch in silence. 

But nothing is changing.

It's late at night, out with Kuroo-san and Bokuto-san, and I was crying. I couldn't breathe, just screaming, "Please love me! Please take care of me, Bokuto-san, please!" 

They are silent, and I run. Footsteps do not follow me. Just my own hollow, empty ones. Numbing, angry, why did I do that?

My frustrations rise in my throat, I scream, I scream about nothing. Noise filling up the silence Bokuto-san's absence has caused. I was dirty, I was impure and awful, trying to ruin him, trying to ruin Kuroo-san. A filthy sinner.

And my heart weighs down like a rock.

**Author's Note:**

> MAN I DON'T KNOW I WAS LISTENING TO STIGMA BY BTS N THAT BIT WHERE V(? idk i started listening to them like two days ago i can on differentiate Suga and Rapmon) ANYWAYS WHEN HE SINGS "ARE YOU CALLING ME A SINNER" MADE ME WRITE THIS AND FUCKING IDK


End file.
